Slightly less ashamed to live in Arizona

Last night was clearly the best night for Democrats nationwide for quite a while. There is sure to be lots of analysis of our victory in the House as well as the apparently impending victory in the Senate, so I'm going to confine my discussion to the unexpectedly positive results of last night's election in Arizona.

GOVERNOR

Incumbent Democrat Janet Napolitano defeated Republican challenger Len Munsil by a huge margin.

I had disagreed with Janet Napolitano on the renaming of Squaw Peak to Piestewa Peak on several levels. First, the notion that the word "squaw" meant something offensive was based on somewhat of a linguistic urban legend. The theory was advanced in the 70s based on an Iroquoian word for vagina. However, squaw actually comes from the Algonquian language group and its connotation is along the lines of young, unmarried woman. In itself, the word has come to be regarded as offensive, but many phrases containing squaw are still in common use among Native Americans, such as squaw bread, so its offensiveness is clearly dependent on context. Second, the idea that Spc. Lori Ann Piestewa was the first Native American woman to die in combat defense of the United States is preposterous and cannot be a valid basis for honoring her. In truth, nobody knows how many Native American women died in battle fighting the enemies of the young U.S. The number is likely high because the U.S. has often had support from various tribes in armed conflict. Great Britain and its colonies had Indian allies in the French and Indian Wars, as did the U.S. in the War of 1812. Third, and most importantly, federal law prohibits naming geographical locations after individuals who have been deceased for fewer than five years. Napolitano's insistence upon the renaming, in my opinion, was ignorant of both history and law. Piestewa deserves to be honored, but in a manner that is not vulnerable to lawsuits and does not dishonor potentially thousands of Native American women who died in combat before her.

Having said that, I still like Napolitano overall and prefer her over her opponent. Munsil is the founder of the Center for Arizona Policy, whose mission statement is based on the belief that "Planned Parenthood, the ACLU and gay rights groups ... seek to destroy traditional families and traditional moral values." His defeat gives me hope that Arizona isn't hopelessly stuck in the Dark Ages.

HOUSE DISTRICT AZ-5

Democratic challenger Harry Mitchell narrowly defeated incumbent Republican, former sportscaster and perpetual douchebag J.D. Hayworth. This result surprised me becaused Hayworth has always been popular with the dominant political demographic in this district, middle-aged Caucasian heterosexual (or closeted) Protestent men living in Scottsdale with incomes over $100,000. I think his popularity with the group is due to the fact that he used to be on TV and reminds them of football, the only activity in which it's socially acceptable for them to stare at sweaty, naked men in the locker room and fondle their buttocks. Like a pouty toddler, he still refuses to concede, though the statistical likelihood of the remaining absentee and provisional ballots tipping the scale in his favor is on the same order of magnitude as that of a comet striking the Earth in the next week.

BALLOT INITIATIVES

The results of the following ballot initiatives please me:

• No on 107: Arizona is the only state to (narrowly) defeat an anti-gay ballot initiative this election.
• No on 200: Voters defeated a proposed million-dollar lottery for voters, which would have promoted blind voting and would probably have violated a federal law prohibiting pay someone to vote.
• Yes on 201, no on 206: Smoking will be banned in all bars and restaurants, as opposed to the alternate initiative Prop. 206, which would have made compliance optional for bars and provided loopholes for restaurants. Finally, I can go dancing without contracting black lung disease! 201's slogan should have been "I ordered a Zima, not emphysema!"
• Yes on 202: Minimum wage in Arizona will increase to $6.75 per hour beginning Jan. 1.
• Yes on 204: Pregnant pigs will now have the right to cages large enough to move around and lie down in.