Foley

Much has been said about the Mark Foley scandal in recent days. Much of it has been said more insightfully and eloquently than I possibly could. However, a crucial perspective seems to be missing from the dialogue. I feel I am qualified to provide such a perspective.

I'm usually pretty open about myself on this blog. I feel comfortable blogging about pretty much anything as long as I'm not revealing personal information about anyone else or saying anything that would otherwise be harmful. Nevertheless, I'm a little uncomfortable being so open regarding what I'm about to reveal, but I feel it will serve a constructive purpose.

The missing perspective is that of someone who was exploited while still a teenager by an older man. In my case, it was several older men.

I came out at the age of sixteen. At this time in my life, my mother was barely present. My step-father was in prison. I was almost entirely without guidance at a time when I was especially vulnerable. I began hanging out at bars that had a reputation of never asking for identification in order to reach out to other gay men. I found some new friends, some of whom are my closest friends even today, but I also found some older men who had anything but my best interests in mind. They found it fairly easy to convince me to do things I didn't want to do, or sometimes things I thought I wanted to do at the time. Either way, I didn't have the maturity or life experience to anticipate the consequences.

I found myself repeating a destructive pattern. I would start hanging out with an older man I met at the bar. He would first offer conversation, friendship and understanding. He would tell me that I was more mature and interesting than most men his own age. Then, while we hung out some night at his place, he would offer me beer or pot. Shortly thereafter we would be in bed. After one or two nights like this, I would find myself discarded. I would beat myself up for thinking he liked or even loved me and letting him take advantage. My already low self-esteem continued to decline. This left me even more vulnerable for the next one.

Predators of this variety exploit the insecurities of young men and women to get sexual satisfaction. It best, it's morally reprehensible. At worst, when the prey is below the age of consent, it's a crime.

The real story is not that Foley tried to lure (or perhaps succeeded at luring) sixteen- and seventeen-year-old boys into sex, but that some in the Republican leadership knew it was happening and did nothing. How can anyone with a conscience fail to intervene when a colleague is hurting children? This is exactly the problem with today's Republican Party: those in charge think that they are exempt from the moral pronouncements they try to force on everyone else.

I used to believe that one's party affiliation said more about one's beliefs on government spending than the quality of one's character. Perhaps it was true at one time. Today, however, it is increasingly difficult to be a Republican and have any moral credibility, just as one cannot credibly claim to be a decent, upstanding Nazi. Sooner or later, every Republican with a shred of decency will leave the party out of disgust for what it has become.

I am more resilient now and I know how to take care of myself. However, I will never forget the pain that was inflicted on me by men like Foley. I feel deep compassion for every page that Foley exploited or tried to exploit. I am glad that this is beginning to come to light, not because it will give my party a political advantage, but because it will remove from power some of those who are willing to let children be harmed for personal gain.