Anniversary
It's unfortunate that the previous post is such a downer. Actually, I am very happy right now because today Michael and I celebrate one year together.
Happy anniversary, sweetie. I love you.
Here is what I've been listening to since yesterday:
- The Decemberists: The Crane Wife
- Beck: The Information
- The Hold Steady: Boys and Girls in America
- Lambchop: Damaged
- Wolf Eyes: Human Animal
- Ladyhawk: Ladyhawk
- Indian Jewelry: Invasive Exotics
- V/A: The Believer 25th Issue Compilation
- The Clash: London Calling
- Broken Social Scene: You Forgot It in People
- My Robot Friend: Dial 0
2 comments:
Congratulations.
The first year can be difficult. The second year can be more difficult. That might sound pessamistic, but I mean it as an inspiration. It's cliche to say that relationships are hard work, but it's true.
I spent my late teens, my twenties, and my early thirties bouncing from relationship to relationship. A year here, 18 months there, one even for three years. But the outcome was always the same. Get comfortable, gain a few pounds, start letting the concerns of life trump the concerns of the relationship, someone gets a little bored, someone gets a little hot and bothered by the new boy at work with the hairy arms.
Before I met Ben, I had placed a moratorium on dating on myself. That we even met was a complete fluke and the odds were against us. Yet here it is six plus years later and even though we have our disagreements and tense moments, we have never had a full on fight. Never even a shouting match.
People always ask us why it works so well, how we can look at each other in our thirties and see the relationship as permanent as long as we're both still breathing. I've had to answer that question so many times that I think I have a real and honest answer. Three simple things we do and that anyone can do:
1. We never lie to each other. Not under any circumstances, not for any reason.
2. We eat dinner together every night that Ben isn't away on business, and we always talk to each other while we're eating. (Making dinner together is even better, but not a real possibility every night unless you want to eat at midnight.)
3. We shower together every chance we get. Washing another person is infinitely more intimate than sex and almost as much fun.
Anyways, congratulations. And don't stop playing Leonard Cohen for Michael. You'll both be better people for it.
Re: #1. I'm in absolute agreement with you on that. Lies kill relationships. Of course, honesty has another dimension beyond simply not lying - it's about openness. When I first met Michael, I knew this was going to be something special, so I realized I had to approach this relationship differently than I had previous relationships. In due time, I told him everything I could think of that I would be afraid of him finding out from someone else. Nothing terrible; just things that I was insecure about and feared that he would think less of me for. Giving him the benefit of the doubt paid off - rather than think less of me, he respected me more for having opened up to him. Even now, if I am afraid of telling him something because of what he might think of me, I know that I need to tell him. So far, it has worked beautifully.
Re: #'s 2 and 3. We don't live together and neither of us are in a hurry. But we talk every day and we never go a day without saying, "I love you." We don't see each other all the time, especially since he is on a strict training schedule for his marathon. But we use our time together well. We even devote a few hours every week to volunteering at HALO together.
I think Michael would agree with me that these are the reasons our relationship works. Oh yeah, and the fact that we are deeply in love with each other. That helps, too.
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