"If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. There is no other." - Carl Schurz

"The saddest epitaph which can be carved in memory of a vanished liberty is that it was lost because its possessors failed to stretch forth a saving hand while yet there was time." - George Sutherland
"Whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither, in my opinion, is safe." - Edmund Burke

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Somebody, please give me an appropriate German adjective starting with 'T'!

So, I promised more about my recent karaoke experience in Tucson.

Upon arriving in town Saturday afternoon, I checked the internet via my phone for a gay bar in the area. I found there was a place with five minutes' walking distance called IBT's, which apparently stood for It's 'Bout Time (though, technically speaking, shouldn't it be It's 'Bout Time's?). Though, after my performance, Ich bin taub might be more appropriate.

When I arrived, I found there was karaoke on the patio. I made chitchat with a nice Iowan boy named J___ while various patrons belted out country ballads and duets from Grease (yes, gay karaoke is exactly like its straight counterpart). The karaoke mistress asked several times if I planned to sing. On some level I wanted to try it, but the notion of singing in public has always terrified me. I'd prefer to be naked in public than sing in public. I finally asked to see her book and started scouring for an appropriate song. I talked myself out of singing and then back into it several times. Finally, I selected "Blister in the Sun" by The Violent Femmes. It was a perfect choice- it had only a few very simple verses and Gordon Gano's original vocal wasn't exactly virtuosic, so mine couldn't be that bad in comparison. I also related to the song well, as there was a time in my adolescence when I frequently got high as a kite, which slightly increased the likelihood that I just might stop to check someone out. Additionally, I occasionally failed to comprehend the causal factors leading to stained sheets, though I suspected that body and beats were involved somehow.

Just before the karaoke ended at about 6 P.M., the karaoke lady called my name. I took the microphone and suggested to all in my audience that if they became thoroughly smashed in the first eight bars before the first lyrics started, it would be highly appreciated and mutually beneficial. I proceeded to tackle two full minutes worth of lyrics with the efficiency of the Japanese and the ardor of a Zen master. Soon it was over and my audience clapped languidly, showing an appreciation appropriate for a toddler's macaroni mosaic. My phobia was conquered, and ich bin verhältnismäßig sicher, daß niemand taub wurde.

J___ went on to help me consummate the traditional American college dormatory experience later that week. I promise to not elaborate on this further.

2 comments:

Anali said...

uh....togas? :-D

Jonathan said...

What does that mean? I don't that that "Ich bin togas" would work better.