A farewell to bacon

I am in mourning. Recent bloodwork has revealed that my cholesterol is elevated and I must now eliminate red meat and dairy from my diet entirely.

Oh, bacon, how I will always cherish the times we had together! I remember the summer that Scott A. took me to Lenny's and introduced me to the Mexican burger: bacon, jalapeños, mayo, two kinds of cheese and a giant slab of medium-rare beef. All are gone now, banished like tortured ghosts. All that remains for me is the hollow bun, searching unceasingly for warm, gooey companionship, much like myself. Though they have snatched you all from my greasy hands and mouth, I will carry a part of you in my heart. In my arteries, anyway.